Prepostorous Pop Moments: Taylor Swift “Love Story”

I can’t say I’m the biggest Taylor Swift fan. At the same time, I have nothing against her. I must lack some sort of chromosome that fuels an inordinate obsession with complete stranger’s lives, habits, and flaws – even celebrities. I only say this preemptor in the wake of a daily barrage of mouth-traveled breath grasping for the elbows of Taylor Swift’s life. “She’s dating this guy so she can break up with him and write a song about him.” “She dated a guy for a week, bought the house across the street from him, broke up with him, burned the house to the ground, and wrote a song about it.” “I heard she dated a guy, dressed as a goat, went by the alias ‘Lucky Todd,’ ate hay, buck kicked the guy with hooves she surgically inserted on her hands and feet, broke his jaw, ended their relationship, and wrote a song about.” That’s not me. I barely care what my best friends are up to with their lives, let alone someone who I was initially introduced to because of an unhealthy love of terrible romantic comedies. So, just to clear the record, my very special readers, I have nothing against Taylor Swift personally. I, too, have found myself in a ridiculous romantic situation. It’s called: “The Everyday Joke that is my Love Life. Starring: Phil Hiotis as closed off, self absorbed, think he’s mysterious but really is just coming off as awkward guy. Co-starring: usually women with big noses.” I would hate to imagine if every one of my romantic follies was digested by do nothing Americans who care more about their Internet presence then their present state. “Oh, did you hear about Phil? He stopped talking to that girl because she asked him to watch ‘Charmed.’ What a lunatic.” “Did you hear what Phil did this week? He broke up with his girlfriend on Thanksgiving AFTER the dinner. You know what that means? Not only is he a terrible person, but he’s also a pig.” “I heard Phil had a chance to meet up with a girl he liked on a date, but he chose instead to participate in a local bar’s ‘Super Smash Bros.’ tournament, and forgot to call her afterwards to reschedule. He’s got some issues.” “Phil stopped talking to his last love interest because, after his vein attempt to impress her by showcasing all of his books – which is the most gaudy and self absorbed way to impress, just beating out wearing a monocle– she picked up his Toni Morrison books, and he immediately berated her and took her home. If he doesn’t like Toni Morrison, why does he have like four of her books?” Side note: this joke was originally going to be about “50 Shades of Grey,” but I recently found out that E.L. James began her franchise as fan fiction for the Twilight movies, and I have nothing but respect for that. Do you realize how out of the ordinary that is? How completely against logic? Let me tell you, I wrote Dragon Ball Z fan fiction all the time when I was twelve, and I never got famous. This lady wrote fan fiction when she was thirty-five, and will be, if she isn’t already, a millionaire. I have nothing but respect for E.L. James’, and anyone’s, fight against expectations, logic, and what is expected to happen. Kudos. And to answer the question, fictitious gossiper I made up a few sentences ago, I have so many Toni Morrison books because I either wanted to check the book out, or I had to read it for school. I’m sure everyone on your iPod isn’t music you love or even like. Sometimes you want to check out a song. Sometimes you have a band’s entire discography, and despite the fact that they “aren’t your thing,” you never find yourself deleting them whenever you update your iPod.

Now that I got that out of the way, now that I’ve sympathized with Taylor Swift’s celebrity with my own made up one, let me tell you why I think her song “Love Story” is a preposterous pop moment. If you got anything from the last paragraph, I hope that it’s I’m not a gossip hoarder. No, what I am is a snob – a literature snob to be more direct. I have the Elvis Costello glasses, scarf, sweater, button down, rolled up khaki pants, boots combo for a reason. To look as British as possible, and the other is to make it apparent and obvious that I am a snob of some sort. Let me tell you something too, it’s great being a literary snob. Let’s be real: a lot of people do not read extensively nowadays, so I can hide my unattractive snobbery as mere surprising unfulfilled expectations, until, of course, someone pulls out a Kindle. Then you’ll here some diatribed self-righteousness about the “smell of books,” or something else that really means, “I can’t stack electronic books on a shelf and try to impress pretty women with them.” But really, Kindles barely make appearances in my every day date life. Even if my snobbery does come out in an unsuited time, it’s usually about some book like “Twilight” or the aforementioned “50 Shades of Grey” – something the reader KNOWS is, by no means, great literature. It’s easy to get away with, in that respect. What I’m trying to say is I’m a literature snob, not a musical. You’re not going to read my exasperated protests of Taylor Swift’s song structuring, or her over use of minor keys. I’ll never ask you what you’re top five favorite bands are, or force under-appreciated female singer/songwriters from the 70s down your throat – none of that. To tell you the truth, my favorite part of Taylor Swift’s library is how the radio de-countrifies her songs. Out go the banjos, water boards, and southern accents, and in comes the northern audience. Not a very audacious or counter culture claim, if I do say so myself. My problem with this song, what makes me despise “Love Story”, is on a purely literary basis. How so? Don’t worry; we’re not going to do a close reading. I’ll leave that for your English 301 class, and probably in future blogs. Let’s just talk about the song.

The synopsis of this song is pretty standard: girl and boy like each other; however, their families do not approve of their being together. We get to the chorus and this is where Taylor Swift invokes literary classics, Romeo and Juliet, into the fold, and consequently, turn me completely off from it. The song is called “Love Story,” she even says “It’s a love story.” Here’s the thing: “Romeo and Juliet” is NOT a love story. Last time I checked, “Romeo and Juliet” is a tragedy. It may be the greatest tragedy in the history of literature, but nonetheless, it is a tragedy. If Taylor Swift thinks “Romeo and Juliet” is a love story, than I take back what I said in the first paragraph, and am truly curious at what Taylor’s idea of love is. Somehow, I feel that later in life, when Taylor’s children ask her how she met the love of her life, I doubt she would say, “Oh, well your father met me when I was fourteen, seduced me, killed my cousin, and then gutted himself over not having me. By the way, we knew each other something like two days when all this happened.” I’m waiting for her continuation with the song, “Antony and Cleopatra: This is also a Love Story.” Is faking your own suicide in order to win back the love of your life, only to have it backfire when he ends up killing himself over the news of your fake suicide topical? Let’s not stop there. I want “Lancelot and Guinevere.” “It’s a love story, baby just betray your king.” I also think King Arthur’s “affection” for Lancelot can work with another Taylor Swift classic, “You Belong to Me.”

Am I being elitist? Yea, probably. I realize “Romeo and Juliet” has a love story in it, and said love story is the catalyst for all events; however, just having a love angle in the fold does not make it a romance. There are expectations to be met. People need to overcome the odds, live happy, etc. If merely having a pair of people who are in love with each other defines romance, then I must have really missed the boat on “Hamlet.” And look, I heard the song and I read the lyrics; I know she changes Romeo and Juliet’s fate at the end, but we can’t have Romeo and Juliet without the tragic ending. It defeats the purpose of the story. What makes Romeo and Juliet such an epic story and tragedy is their deaths at the end. If they end up happily ever after, then every relationship I’ve ever had with the opposite sex has been a Romeo and Juliet love story.

Plot: We like each other, my parents do not like her because she isn’t Greek, they end up dealing with it at the end.  End Scene.

Doesn’t really hold up as well, does it? It doesn’t stop with Shakespeare; none of the literature mentioned in the song is a love story. She mentions that she’s “a scarlet letter” in the song. What does THAT mean? You were married, thought your husband was lost at sea, and had sex with a scholar who has an awesome last name, got pregnant, only to find that your husband has been alive the entire time; thus, you were forever marked for your adultery with a literal A sewn on your dress? Taylor Swift is Hester Prynne? Hester Prynne dealt with other’s judgment, accusations, and poor treatment with humility and silence, not a three-minute pop song about cheerleaders and sneakers.

I need to stop myself there, because I’m starting to get petty. There are other things that bother me about the song, beyond the mis-categorization of the genre of classic literature, but also the obviousness that Taylor Swift did not bother reading any of these books. How do I know this? Right after, once again, mentioning Romeo and Juliet, in the chorus she says that her and her lover will be a prince and princess. How? Romeo and Juliet were not royalty. Unfortunately, the Capulet and Montague families are not royal, historical, or rich Italian families. Is she planning on convincing her boyfriend to usurp the king ala Lady Macbeth? Or maybe it’s more of a Bolingbroke thing. “It’s a historical drama, baby just say ‘aye.”

The real nail in the coffin is the music video. I realize that Ms. Swift has little control over this, but I just can’t help myself. The outfits in the video are clearly Victorian and “Romeo and Juliet” takes place in the Renaissance. There, I said it. Ok, even I just told my own writing, “Oh, c’mon you elitist prick.” Still, the principle of why I think this song preposterous is evident through the misuse of the literature, as well as the transparency and apparent showing that no one involved with this project, from songwriter to music video director, actually read or is familiar with the work. I understand that it could be purely for marketing, and somehow I don’t think a “The Tempest” or “Much Ado About Nothing” themed song would be nearly as recognizable or successful as “Romeo and Juliet,” but I feel an effort to stay true to the actual story, outside of watching the Leonardo DiCaprio 1990s movie adaption and going from there, might help make the stories more accessible and appealing to people. Although the language may be intimidating, these are not complex or unheard stories. Believe it or not, there is a literary world beyond spark notes and movie adaptations, and I’d hate to see it completely minimalized… mostly cause I won’t have anything to talk or impress people with.